Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
