My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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