This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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