I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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