First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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