Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
