The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
