bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
