So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
