How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
