so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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