I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
