I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
