That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
