U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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