I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
