a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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