you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
