Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize