apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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