Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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