Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
They have beer where we have blood.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
