Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
