9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
