you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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