I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
