i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
