between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
