For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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