i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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