you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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