he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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