He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
