don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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