Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
