Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
