so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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