i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Do vagina's smell?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
