just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
