I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
