Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
