Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
