there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
