I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
