and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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