i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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