just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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