You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
