My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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