Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
No subtext here. People are naked.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
