dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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