i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
