if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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