I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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