About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
