I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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