We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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