mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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