I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
