I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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