make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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