I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
