It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
