too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
