I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
