So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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