Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
