i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
