Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
