I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
