I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize