Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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