that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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