the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
