he thought i was a dude.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
