I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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