Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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