She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
