saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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