she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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