She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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