Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
