have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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