There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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