i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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