Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
