Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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