Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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