69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
