I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
