clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
