I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
