Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
