I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
