Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
