she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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